Random thought

There are few books which have affected me deeply. Infact books have always been a way for me to escape the present, perhaps that’s why I’ve always vouched for fiction . But two books: Angels and Demons by Dan Brown and Living History: Hillary Rodham Clinton’s autobiography have left me moved , to say nothing of the fact that I read them in succession.

Every book cannot be expected to affect everyone in the same manner, a person hopelessly in love would fine a curious joy in reading a mushy romantic which would seem tosh to me; an International Political Guidebook would seem like the Bible to some. And so I would not be surprised if the majority did not share my stand on these books.

I am currently in that state of my life where I’ve begun questioning everything I do. Why do I need the engineering? Why the MBA or the MS? Why do everything that everyone’s doing and millions before me have done? Where have those dreams of greatness and fame that I used to concoct in my childhood gone? Has pragmatism led the way to mediocrity?

And the most troubling of all is my faith, or the lack of it. I seem to have completely lost it. Not that I was very spiritual before, Diwali and my birthday being the only two days I would join my hands before the Lord. But of late I can see that I’ve lost complete belief, even an atheist would be in awe of me. I just can’t bring myself to join hands or say a prayer when there are immense nagging doubts in my mind.

And if anyone in the crowd was in this state he would perhaps understand why the two books have affected me in the way they did. Perhaps now I see what it takes to be different from the crowd. Perhaps now I see that it is OK to not have faith on what you have been taught to believe, that one day it will come to me when I need it most. Perhaps reading these two books has been a watershed moment in my life.

Perhaps, definitely perhaps.