To the Year that was.

I'd intended this post to be something like a celebration of the year that was; my 19th. Not surprisingly, it didn't quite turn out that way.

If we had a name assigned to each year of our lives, my 19th would be tagged ' Whoa ! '. Not very suitable perhaps, but thats the only word that comes to my mind when I look back. New friendships, stupid realisations, funny failures, mixed emotions and a confusing end. However I would rather not speak a lot about it, takes away all the fun of having lived it.

To all those who were very much a part of it, Thank You for your Gifts. Some are still unwrapped but they were lovely nevertheless. The date on the calendar says its time for a new start, better friendships, happy realisations, lesser emotions and for heaven's sake, no more funny failures.

Here's to a charming 20th.

Cheers

The Aftermath

Oasis 2K8 is finally over.

For most of us it was a rollercoaster ride. For some it was more.
For most of us it was about 96 hours of non-stop fun, endless gyrations to live shows of KK, Euphoria and a lesser-known-but-far-better Lounge Piranha, gorging on food....Dominos, CCD, Delhi Chhat, ah! whatever....the dance workshops which could definitely get awkward at times, the night-outs doing nothing or perhaps watching the Delhi chics with their plastic legs and plastic smiles....the events, the work, the fun, the winning ,the losing.....

But for me it was more. Much much more.

And now everything is empty. Everyone's off for Diwali, while i sit here ascetic-like pondering on the time went by. Have to get my act together now and move on....till we meet again....
Oasis 2K9.

Reject, Regret, Reborn

There is great power in rejection. Note that. Read on.

Its not often that I have been rejected in my life, infact I can say without boasting that I've been eagerly accepted by people in all walks of life. But a string of rejections in the past has got me thinking if I have been walking straight all this time. And boy, I have been pondering over this for a long long time...
And it all culminated on the 18th of October as I walked out of the room of 5 odd Deans after a "healthy 20 minute session". I saw disapproval in their eyes. and no thats not it. The funny part was that I approved their disapproval.

What have I got to in the past couple of years..... from someone who was accustomed to succeed, I've begun approving of people when they tell me that I cannot make it. I have embraced mediocrity, waiting and thinking each day that the next day is going to be the last day of the drought, then embracing mediocrity all over again at nightfall.

You do not wait for the results to be out. You ask yourself if you are worth it. And when the answer does not surprise you, you realize that this is your last chance to change. In reply to his "What have you been upto?" I told my friend Sahil once, "I've been thinking." . Dear friend, I'm finally done with it.

Recently read that a group of quacks claim to have found the Sanjeevni Herb. Don't know about them but I sure have one in my mind right now. And as I skip out of this room, I promise to never return for another post again. I give the sole responsibility of this blog to Varun Pandey. Met him a long time ago. Reminds me of what my past was a long long time ago, and what my future will be from the very next moment.

No one likes a complainer, or someone who keeps brooding about his troubles and transferring them over to his readers( i flatter myself). No one likes Mr. all-talk-no-work. So I'll be gone.

But its hard not to succeed when you know so much. When you have thought out so much at such a young age. It has its perils, but when you come out of it, its a whole new world out there.
Vineet was right when he said , "Irrespective of what you put it down to, it's there: that's the only verifiable fact. You either come out strong or you don't come out at all."

To all the time I spent.

Cheers
Varun Pandey

The Suicide Note of Kurt Donald Cobain, 1967-1994

To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I don't have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy... and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain

Dear Passerby

Dear Passerby,

I've never dedicated a single post to you, though you were the sole reason i started this blog. And in all the mayhem, when I really need good advice, I come to you. The reason you ask!! Well, the people I used to seek advice from, seem to be pretty confused of late. The ones who used to shout out their beliefs from rooftops, seem to be hiding somewhere.

I've sorted out my friends of late - a. those who are a part of my present and from whom I've so much to learn b. those who are a baggage from the past, a baggage i was merely clinging on to, hoping against hope, to meet them someday down the lane.....

And I think I'll leave the baggage behind.

Is it unethical Dear Passerby? Oh forget the morals....is it unwise?

Yours insincerely

Nurav Yednap

..........................................................................................

And maybe someday we'll meet

And maybe laugh and not just speak

Don't buy the promises 'cause

There are no promises I keep

So here i go........

-James Blunt, The Same Mistake

Who

Listen
Its not about who is going to allow you.
Its about who is going to stop me.
Who?

Hourglass

Francisco d'anconia

Hank Rearden

Howard Roark

John Galt

Varun Pandey

John Galt

Howard Roark

Hank Rearden

Francisco d'anconia